Disappointment and Goals not met...

I'm a disappointment in the world of the blog. I have not blogged in two weeks. Nor have I dieted or worked out. At this moment, our world has been turned upsidedown. I've gone back to work. Charlie stopped sleeping through the night. So, needless to say things have not worked out according to my master plan.

Here is where I'll be spending my focus.
1. Spending as much time as possible with the cutest baby ever.
2. Find different ways to get exercise (even if that means hiking with Rachel). : )
3. Find fun things to do as a family.
4. Try to make a variety of healthy/easy meals.

I'm forgetting about the weightloss goals for now. Because I just can't focus on that with so much on my plate. Maybe soon though, maybe still in time to lose some weight before an April wedding and June at the beach.

 *fingers crossed*

I AM the Queen of Excuses

I am the Queen. The Queen of Excuses.

"But I'm so tired."
"But we're on vacay!"
"I'll do better tomorrow."
"It's just so expensive to by fresh, healthy foods."
"I just had so much to do today."
"But we don't have any groceries." (sometimes a very valid excuse)
"But I was so good this week."

But, but, but, but, but, but.

As of last week, I had lost 8 pounds! Ugh...all of which I'm sure I've gained back since. Last week was a different kind of week. I started out relatively on the right track and slowly veered off the track and straight off the cliff. I will not even begin to list my multitude of sins...but here's just a "taste" of what the week looked like for me food-wise. Hot dogs, hamburger and french fries (twice), ice cream every day (sometimes twice), Reece's Pieces, Swedish Fish, sweet tea and soda of all kinds. *SIGH* I was doing so well. But the excuses just kept flying out of my mouth. And don't even get me started on the exercise...it just wasn't happening at all.

Sadly, I'll weigh myself tomorrow and realize truly how far I am from my 10 pound goal that I am supposed to make by Thursday... THURSDAY!?!? Can it really be 4 days from now? Geez. I'm feeling pretty discouraged right now... but I have to keep in mind that things will be very different once school starts back tomorrow and I'll just have to make adjustments to my life and my schedule to make sure that I'm doing what's best for me and best for my family. I have to stay on track to help us become an active and healthy family.

I promise to be a better blogger.

I've been a terrible blogger this week...and a semi-terrible dieter. We've been busy, out of town, and without Internet since the last time I blogged. I have, however, lost a total of 8 pounds. What, what?! That means I'm 2 pounds away from my goal weight for Thursday of NEXT week hookers! AND that's with being a horrible blogger and a semi-horrible dieter! I have been keeping terrific records though. Just so you know. :) Because I've been slacking on my blog for so many days and feel the need to record my every bite, this will be a little boring. Later, though I'll be adding to my Family Fun page! And I promise not to be so boring after this.

Wednesday
Breakfast: 2 eggs, toast, cheese
Snack: cheese and crackers
Lunch: Pasta, salad, 2 bread sticks, 2 delicious brownies!
Snack: apple
Dinner: chicken, red pepper, black bean quesadilla and 6 Swedish fish
Exercise: Power 90

Thursday
Breakfast: Cereal and milk
Snack: Greek yogurt, cheese and crackers
Lunch: Chicken, pasta salad, green salad, 1 delicious brownie
Snack: Apple
Dinner: Tuna sandwich, pretzels, carrots
Snack: Greek yogurt
Exercise: Power 90

Friday
Breakfast: Cereal and milk
Snack: Cheese and Crackers, yogurt
Lunch: 1/2 baked potato, salad, pasta salad, 2 bread sticks, 2 cookies
Snack: 4 pieces of chocolate
Snack: Mocha Frap...sue me.
Dinner: Salad, 1 piece pizza
Snack: Granola and milk

Saturday
Breakfast: egg, bacon, and cheese sandwich, wild cherry Pepsi
Lunch: Meatloaf, fresh green beans, homemade creamed corn, fried potatoes, sweet tea (MMMMMM)
Dinner: Pad Kee Mao
Snack: Hot Fudge Sundae

Sunday
Breakfast: Spaghetti
Snack: Mocha Frap...sue me. I love them.
Lunch: 2 ham sandwiches
Snack: fudge round
Dinner: steak, corn, chips and artichoke dip, sweet tea, and a delicious piece of Oreo cake
Exercise: 2 hours of moving furniture in my classroom

Monday
Breakfast: Cereal and milk
Lunch: double cheeseburger, small fry, sweet tea
Snack: another delicious piece of Oreo cake (don't worry I finished it off)
Dinner: chicken salad croissant (OK, 2) and fruit

Hmmm...not so good... You can see how my will power fails during the weekend and also sometimes even spreads into the next week. I'm worried about this weekend too, especially since we'll be traveling starting on Wednesday...Yikes. That's lots of eating out...and probably Pepsi. Let's see...that means I'll have 4 days to lose whatever I gain back. ugh.

Better than expected.

Today was much better than expected. Yesterday, however...entirely different story. I started crying Sunday night. Monday morning I cried all the way to Nana's, cried at Nana's, cried all the way to my workshop (causing my eyes and face to be noticeably splotchy and red) and then cried some more every time someone talked to me, put their hand on my shoulder, or even just looked at me with that pitiful all-knowing look.  I was a mess most of the day. At lunch I decided I'd take my dear friend Rachel to Nana's just to see Charlie for a minute...TOTALLY helped. I was able to spend the rest of the day much less distraught than I spent the morning. Today was easy peasy. The problem is I still have one more week to spend entirely with Charlie before school starts, and I'm trying not to anticipate a similar situation when it's time to start back to work for more than just 1 week.

I really need to weigh myself. I haven't done it in over a week and I was hoping to weigh myself every day. The problem is our scale is not digital so I cannot tell if there's a small change. Small changes are motivating. I might need to get a digital scale this weekend.

Monday
Breakfast - 2 eggs, cheese, toast
Snack - cheese and crackers
Snack - cherry Greek yogurt, 1/4 bagel w/ cream cheese
Lunch - 3in turkey and cheese sub, 3in ham and cheese sub
Snack - apple
Dinner - 2 marinated, baked drumsticks, 1 corn muffin
Snack - blueberry Greek yogurt
Exercise - NADA...it was hard enough being away from my boy and then lots of drama at the casa

Tuesday
Breakfast - 2 eggs, cheese, toast
Snack - cheese and crackers, cherry Greek yogurt
Lunch - chicken salad, pasta salad, mixed green salad...2 delicious brownies
Snack - apple
Dinner - pita pizza (I should have had something else here)
Snack - banana and peanut butter
Exercise - Power 90 cardio and ab workout (like P90x, but much much much easier)

My friend Megan, who I mentioned in an earlier post has started posting her weight each week...she's amazingly brave. I admire her tremendously. I've been toying with the idea too...but I'm not sure I'm ready just yet.

I'm having a hard time with this.

It's not all this healthy living stuff I'm having a hard time with. I'm having a hard time with the HUGE upcoming change that's upon us. And by us, I mean me and Charlie.  Starting tomorrow I have a week long workshop that I'll be attending from 8:30-4:00. Do you KNOW how long that is? It will be the longest I've ever been away from him in his whole 3 months of life! So, I'm having a hard time. I've said it before. I'm a worker. I love my job and I look forward to working. However, I've just gotten used to this stay at home mom thing...and now I have to go BACK? How is that fair? I mean, it's not that I'm really dreading it, well a little I am. But it's just that I'm going to miss stuff! I am super lucky that my Nana is going to watch Charlie while I'm working (thank you for saving me about $800/month), but that means she's not going to miss stuff and I'm going to be so jealous of her. I'm going to miss him!

Who couldn't miss this face?

I've been thinking a lot about how this change is going to affect my working out/eating right new life. And it's probably going to change it a lot. It will change in a good way for my eating habits because I'll be on a consistent routine throughout the week. (I make no promises on the weekend.) And I'll also have to do some extra planning for lunches and dinners and snacks since I pack mine and Chris' lunch and snacks every day.

I'm much more nervous about the impact that my going back to work and leaving Charlie for 8+ hours every day is going to have on my workout routine. How can I justify spending an hour or so at the gym after I've spent so long away from him already? How can I justify that hour when he'll only be awake for about 3 hours after I get off work? And...well...right now, I can't. I mean, I'm going to see how it goes and I'm certainly not going to stop going to the gym altogether. I just might not be going during the week for a while. I called my dear friend Rachel tonight with this exact question. She gave me some wonderful advice and suggestions. I'm going to walk and run with Charlie in the stroller after school instead of going to the gym. That way I'm not away from him for any more time than I have to be. I'll go to turbo on Saturday's and that will be that. I have to make the adjustment to working first, before I can make any decisions/commitments to a gym routine.

I'm just going to have to slow this train down for a little bit. I'm not giving up. I'm really really not. I'm just going to have to take it one step at a time. When school starts back, I'll be mostly focusing on eating healthily and training for my 5k in October. Oh, I picked the 5k. It's for a good cause. You should sign up. It's the Wiggle Butt 5k, raising money for the WNC Boxer Rescue.  Gym time will just have to wait until I can figure this whole thing out, which may take years! ;)

On another subject, we had a super busy day today. Charlie and I went on a walk and then went to church this morning. Then I dropped him off at his Nema's so that Chris and I could have a date. We went to Bele Chere (WHERE I DID NOT NOT NOT HAVE A FUNNEL CAKE!!! *tear*), people watched, went to a $1 movie (We LOVE Cinnebar! Hangover 2 - not as funny as I expected, by the way), made a quick Sam's run, picked up Charlie, ate dinner at J&S (where I'm pretty sure we were the absolute youngest people there), then home, put the baby boy to bed, did some grocery shopping (thought about buying a box of Little Debbies and eating them all on the way home, but the thought of that made me want to vomit) and got stuff ready for the big first day away from my baby boy tomorrow. Shew. Busy Sunday Funday!

Breakfast: 5 graham crackers with peanut butter
Lunch: BBQ, baked beans, cornbread, strawberry lemonade
Snack: (At the movies) fried pickles, 2/3 coffee milkshake :/
Dinner: Salisbury steak, potatoes, roll, watermelon
Snack: cheese and crackers
Exercise: 40 minute walk with dogs and stroller

Another thing I want to start doing with my posts is mentioning some of Charlie's milestones, so that when I think back I can remember how old he was when he go to them. So, here goes. One thing he's been doing for a couple weeks, which is so funny, is putting things straight in his mouth. Everything - toys, fingers, hands, my fingers, my nose, anything he gets in his hand or near his mouth - goes straight in. But then, he makes a face like "Oh my. That wasn't what I expected at all." You know, like when you take a sip of your water and it turns out they've given you Sprite by mistake. So funny. I'll add some pictures next time (especially for you Rachel!).

OK, I know this is a particularly LONG post, but I have a lot to say tonight. One last thing, and I promise I'm done. My dear friend Megan is also blogging about her weight loss. She is also a teacher. So we have similar schedules and routines. She is actually the person who has inspired me to start blogging. I just want to let you know, so that if my blog becomes to rambling and boring, please check out hers because it is so awesome and funny, and I can practically hear the words coming straight out of her mouth!
Check out Megan's blog.

I'll let you know how the week  goes. Be thinking of me as I cry on my way to work tomorrow! :*(

Fight the temptations...

Have I mentioned that I love ice cream? I LOVE ice cream. I could eat it every day...and sometimes I do. But lately, you would be amazed by my will power! I was even able to turn down two offers today from my husband for a mocha frappachino...mmmm....one of my favorites. But I did it. I said no. I fought the temptation. It was horrible. I know. I know. It will be good for me. It has a lot of calories and sugar...yada, yada, yada.

I have to be honest. I make no promises when it comes to the weekend. I can do it all week long, make good food choices, get lots of exercise, stay on a good routine...but as soon as Friday night comes, it's all out the window for me. I make terrible food choices. I want dessert, mostly ice cream. We eat out all the time. And I get very little exercise (unless somebody awesome is teaching Turbo on Saturday morning). It's really easy for me to get through the week healthily. Why? Oh why, can't I make good choices on the weekend? I actually already kind of know the answer to that question.
1. I use the weekend as my reward. "If I can just make it until Saturday, then I can ________." Bad.
2. We have no schedule on the weekend. I eat at crazy times, and we're usually not at home.  Bad.
3. We eat out a lot on the weekend. We're not usually at home. So, we're grabbing something on the way somewhere or just taking the time to eat out while we're already out and about. Kind of bad.

You'll see my shame when you get to Saturday's food and exercise. Hmpf.

Thursday
Breakfast: 2 eggs, cheese, toast
Lunch: chicken salad on a bun, fruit
Snack: microwave s'mores with 4 graham crackers, 2 marshmallows and 1 Hershey bar
Dinner: leftover pasta
Snack: graham crackers with peanut butter, milk
Exercise: Turbokick with Anna (Who, by the way, was awesome!)

Friday
Breakfast: leftover pasta (I love non-breakfast foods for breakfast!)
Lunch: crackers, cheese, pepperoni
Snack: Apple with peanut butter
Dinner: Steak quesadilla with yummy veggies from Ole's Guacamole
Snack: 1/2 cup of trail mix
Exercise: 1 hour walk with dogs and stroller

Dog and baby walker extraordinaire!

Saturday
Breakfast: graham crackers with peanut butter
Lunch: Yummy baby shower foods - fruit, veggies, dip, chips, roast beef and cheese little sandwich, cake, and cream puffs. Holy crap.
Dinner: Barbecue sandwich, potato salad, and banana pudding, oh yeah, and a Pepsi :( from Moe's Original BBQ (DELISH)
Snack: Crackers and cheese
Exercise: Nada

Today was not so good...and tomorrow's not looking too hot either...It is Bele Chere weekend after all. And that usually results in a funnel cake. End of story. It's practically the law. I might try to fight the temptation. But I doubt it.

I might be starving to death.

OK, so maybe I'm not literally starving to death and I'm certainly not wasting away to nothing. I'm just hungry alllllllll theeeeeee tiiiiiimmmme! On days when I'm especially tired it's worse. I try to be aware of days when I'm just hungry because I'm tired and not particularly because I'm actually hungry. When I feel like I'm starving to death, but I know I'm not really, I've been trying to drink a glass of water instead. It usually calms the hunger call, and if not, I'll get a little something like crackers and cheese. I have to say, though, that I'm pretty proud of myself for resisting the ever-present urge to eat lots of sweets...especially on hot days like this, ice cream is clearly the cure.

So on Monday, I technically started over, with the hopes that I wouldn't give up with every minor setback. I haven't been sticking to the diabetic diet, but I have been very aware of what I'm eating and trying to make good choices. I've also gotten some physical activity in, though, not quite as much as I would have liked.

Monday:
Breakfast - Cheerios and milk
Lunch - Tuna sandwich, pretzels
Dinner - Hamburger, sauteed squash, baked beans
Snacks - cheese, turkey pepperoni, and crackers; Greek yogurt
Exercise - Carry around a cranky baby :(

Tuesday:
Breakfast - Cheerios and milk
Snack - coffee with milk
Lunch - Hamburger, small handful of baked french fries, peach
Snack - peach
Snack - small bowl of raisin bran with milk
Dinner - 1 serving frozen pizza, carrots and ranch dressing
Snack - Graham crackers and peanut butter, milk
Exercise - 30 minute walk with the pups

Wednesday:
Breakfast - Cheerios and milk
Snack - cheese, turkey pepperoni, and crackers
Lunch - Chinese buffet  - yikes...I didn't do soooooo terribly and didn't leave stuffed, but yikes.
Snack - 1/2 slice frozen pizza
Snack - peach
Dinner - whole wheat pasta with squash and lean ground pork
Snack - graham crackers and peanut butter, milk
Exercise - Clean out the closets in my classroom for 4 hours, shopping (it's practically a sport)

I'm having too many snacks...but I might be starving to death! Snacking helps alleviate that feeling. I've lost a few pounds though, so I 'm not going to worry about it much right now.  Plus, once school starts back there will be little to no time for snacking.

Add to goals:
* weigh myself everyday
* figure out how NOT to starve to death

Cranky baby = diet FAIL

So, I haven't posted in a few days...well, several days actually. Charlie and I had a rough couple of days with crankiness. He's actually been sleeping better at night! It was like we hadn't just spent the last 11 weeks up every hour and a half, and all of the sudden we're up once a night. I really, really, really don't want to jinx myself with this, so I'm going to stop bragging about it now. :) But during the day, my poor little baby has been a cranky mess, just whiny and fussing and crying. He didn't always want to be held, but he didn't want to be put down. He wasn't hungry or wet. He wanted to sleep, but fought it the whole day. I basically spent those days walking the floors, wearing him in the Moby wrap, and just trying to comfort him. And that just really seems to make everything else in life even more difficult, if not impossible. I know that this is common, but I am definitely one of those people who, if I mess up once during the day, I'm done trying for the day. I think that's why I usually stick with extremely restrictive diets. I have a hard time limiting myself if I start at all. It's all or nothing...Go big or go home dude. :) So, towards the end of last week I pretty much failed miserably. I am convinced that I will do better this week, especially with my food choices. I am also convinced that I can still meet my weight loss goal of 10 pounds by Aug. 18...I just don't want to have to keep starting over every week. I've got to figure this thing out.

I did get some exercise in though, especially in the mornings. Afternoons were a totally different story since that is when the majority of the cranky happened. My food choices were made on the fly, and made with one hand only. So, there was no slicing of cucumbers or  mixing marinades for chicken or spreading of peanut butter on apples... I grabbed something that was easy to manage with one hand while I held Charlie in the other, usually something not very healthy. I also went out to eat a couple more times than planned because of the cranky and because, like I said in an earlier post, my summer lunch days are numbered.

This week I have done no planning for meals. I'm hoping to write them down as they happen, like a food journal. The planning was not working for me and made me feel like even more of a failure when I couldn't stick to the plan. When school starts back, a plan will be essential and will be easier to follow because I'll be making lunches and planning for dinners the night before. For now, though, I'll just keep trying to make healthy food choices, get exercise, and work on being a happier person.

We had a fun afternoon on Saturday at Deep Creek in Bryson City for our sweet nephew Eli's 3rd birthday! Even though it was as hot as blue blazes, we had a good time seeing that sweet pumpkin! And Charlie got to take his first dip in Deep Creek! :) We are already looking forward to numerous camping and tubing trips with our sweet boy.

Charlie's first dip in Deep Creek

Charlie has also discovered the joy of his fingers and of exploring things with his mouth! I'm convinced he's very advanced for his age! ;)

Mmmmm...fingers

What exactly does this bunny rattle taste like??

Here are a few of my goals for the week:
1. Do physical activity 7 times.
2. Make healthier food choices, even when eating out.
3. Don't give up for several days because of one bad day.
4. Take Charlie for his 3 month pictures.
5. Take Charlie to Jae's baby shower.
6. Go on a date with the hubs, maybe Bele Chere?

Thank you workout endorphins

Today was semi-good. I didn't follow my meal plan entirely, but that is going to happen and the last thing I need to do is freak out about that, especially if I'm making good choices.  I missed my morning snack, no big deal though because I really wasn't all that hungry anyways. I also went out to eat for lunch with Nana. My summertime lunches with Nana are numbered, so I had better take advantage of them while I can. 3 weeks and a few days until it's back to reality! A whole new reality, might I add. So instead of my tuna sandwich and pretzels, I had 2 steak tacos and 12 chips. Carb total? 60. Perfectly within my 45-60 carb lunch.

I also missed my 7am walk this morning...but (and this is a TOTALLY valid excuse) Charlie slept in until 8am this morning! And who am I to wake a sleeping baby? Nuh-uh! No way. Not me. I totally appreciate the 2 extra hours of sleep, thank you very much.

I also went to turbokick tonight, where my fantastic friend Leigh was teaching. And even though I MIGHT have given her a little bit of a hard time, I was glad I went. It only sucked a little, and that was mostly because I'm still so out of shape. I need to promise her I'll be nicer next time and actually finish the cool-down instead of being defiant. :)

All in all, I'm ok with today. I did a lot better today than I was doing just a few days ago. I already feel better. I'm happier and already have more energy.  Thank you water, healthy eating, and workout endorphins. Thank you very much.

Just a picture of the family for good measure. :)

Oh man, I'm tired.

I've got lots of good news and bad news.  Bad news first: I did not take my measurements today...but I promise I will tomorrow..
Good news:  So, day 1 was a success!! It was horrible, mind you, but successful nonetheless. The afternoon was especially hard. I was tired. Charlie was tired.  Neither one of us was sleeping and all I wanted was a cold shot of Pepsi. But alas, I did not give in. I would have also loved some Oreos too by the way... Instead, I had an apple with a giant spoonful of peanut butter. It was delicious and mostly calmed my craving.

There are certain times when I know exactly why I overeat.  There are also times when I overeat for no good reason at all. Today was a day when I knew exactly why I wanted to eat. I was tired and worn out and I'm pretty sure my body tells me that if I'm going to keep going like this I've got to put in some fuel. However, my mind reads this as "you are clearly starving to death, and you must eat everything in sight." What I really needed this afternoon was a nap. So, my success is restraining from indulging in bad foods just because I was tired. I will, however, indulge in them in moderation.

Other good news: I did get my "before" pictures taken today, thanks to my sweet friend Leigh! Posted tonight... :/

Yikes...this takes a lot of bravery on my part...just so you know.

Other good news: I got all my workouts in today.  I walked with Leigh this morning around the neighborhood. And even though Charlie was a slight fuss-bucket this afternoon, I still made it to the gym.

Day 1 = SUCCESS

Getting down to business

Charlie and I went to church this morning and the message was pretty interesting. The part that struck me most was that people aren't going to fill a church because of what is happening on the inside, but they are going to fill it because of what we are doing outside the church walls. It made me think about how much I love my church and really, the only thing making us think about finding a new church is the fact that most of the people who attend are at a completely different place in their life (like retirement). I was talking to my dear friend, Helen, toay and told her that if I could just fill the church with people our age and at similar places in their lives, that would be perfect. So maybe, to show God's grace outside of the church walls, I need to be proactive about inviting others to be active in the church with me. I've attended this church for as long as I can remember. I LOVE the fact that these sweet people have watched me grow up and are now getting to watch Charlie grow up...Maybe I don't want to change churches...Maybe I just need to start spreading the word that our church is a wonderful place and invite others to join us...Anybody want to start coming to our church with us?

Chris and I also had a little baby-free time this afternoon, thanks to my sweet nana who held and played with my baby boy for a few hours. We went to see Harry Potter, and it was a little sad to know that this is the last one! But it was good. And I'm glad we went out, even though it was hard for me to leave that sweet boy. I did tell Nana that I had better get used to leaving him with her, since she'll be watching him when I go back to school! We're so lucky...and so is Charlie. I told someone at church today that my biggest worry is going to be how ROTTEN Charlie will be at the end of the school year! ;)

I've decided to add something else to my goals. so I'll be editing that post. I want to work on specifically asking for help from Chris if I need help instead of hoping he's going to do something and then feeling resentful if he doesn't.  For example, my car needed gas and yesterday he drove my car. I hoped that he would put a little gas in my car so that it would be ready for me to drive today...well, he didn't. And I wa P*SSED to have to go by the gas station on my way to church this morning...I need to get better with that. It all stems from my love language, but I'm not going to talk about that now. Maybe in another post! :)

Progress towards a couple of my goals has already been made and it's not even Monday yet. Go me.

I did my healthy shopping trip today and it sucked. It sucks that buying healthy, fresh foods is sooo much more expensive than buying processed yuck. Anyone have any suggestions for me?

I'm pretty proud of my choices.  Here's my list:
bananas
apples
squash
cucumber
celery
carrots
lettuce
sandwich meat
sausage
sandwich bread
whole wheat pitas
hamburger buns
whole wheat crackers
pretzels
Doritos (for Chris...)
peanut butter
tuna
black beans
baked beans
corn
whole wheat tortillas
Cheerios
whole wheat pasta
chicken
ground pork (we're gonna try it...)
milk
yogurt
cheese

I thought it might also be a good idea to post my week's worth of dinners and my plan for working out for the week, so I can see if I stick to it! So here are my plans for the week!

Monday
Breakfast: 1 slice toast, 2 eggs, cheese
Snack: cheese and 8 crackers
Lunch: black beans and brown rice with cheese, salsa, and sour cream
Snack: 1 medium apple with peanut butter
Dinner: Mexican Pie and corn, 2 Oreos
Snack: pineapple Greek yogurt
Workout:  7am walk, CardioKick at the gym

Tuesday

Breakfast: 1 slice toast, 2 eggs, cheese

Snack: cheese and 8 crackers

Lunch: Tuna Sandwich with cheese, pretzels, celery with peanut butter

Snack: 1 small banana with peanut butter

Dinner: Pita Pizza with salad, 2 Oreos

Snack: pineapple Greek yogurt

Workout: 7am walk, Turbokick at the gym

Wednesday

Breakfast: 1 slice toast, 2 eggs, cheese

Snack: cheese and 8 crackers

Lunch: Peanut butter sandwich, 1 small banana, carrots

Snack: 1 medium apple, peanut butter

Dinner: Chicken, aparagus, salad, 2 Oreos, milk

Snack: pineapple Greek yogurt

Workout: 7am walk, workout video with Chris

Thursday

Breakfast: 1 slice toast, 2 eggs, cheese

Snack: cheese and 8 crackers

Lunch: Tuna Sandwich with cheese, pretzels, celery with peanut butter

Snack: 1 small banana, cheese stick

Dinner:  Hamburgers, broccoli, salad, 2 Oreos

Snack: pineapple Greek yogurt

Workout: 7am walk, maybe something else

Friday:

Breakfast: 1 slice toast, 2 eggs, cheese

Snack: cheese and 8 crackers

Lunch: 1 1/2 cup Cheerios, 1 1/2 cup milk

Snack: 1 medium apple, peanut butter

Dinner: Breakfast - biscuits, eggs, sausage, gravy (healthy, huh?) :)

Snack: milk, 1 tablespoon peanut butter

Workout: 7 am walk, maybe CSI at the gym?

Saturday:

Breakfast: 1 slice toast, 2 eggs, cheese

Snack: cheese and 8 crackers

Lunch: Tuna Sandwich with cheese, pretzels, celery with peanut butter

Snack: 1 small banana, cheese stick

Dinner: Eating out tonight

No snack after eating out.

Workout: Turbokick at the gym, walk some time during the day

Sunday:

Breakfast: 1 slice toast, 2 eggs, cheese

Snack: cheese and 8 crackers

Lunch: Peanut butter sandwich, 1 small banana, carrots

Snack: 1 medium apple, peanut butter

Dinner: Chicken Salad on hoagies with carrots, 2 Oreos

Snack: milk and 1 tablespoon peanut butter

Workout: 7am walk, workout video with Chris

I forgot to take my pictures today, but tomorrow for sure.

The time is upon us...goodbye Pepsi, my friend.

So, starting Monday I'll be on my way to losing 10 pounds by the time school starts back on Aug. 18... I'll be working out and/or walking everyday. We'll be finding ways to be active as a family and making time for each other, even if that means it has to be baby-free time (baby-free time still gives me a little anxiety).  I'll be eating according to the diabetic diet I followed while I was preggo. That means I'll be eating much less Oreos, ice cream, and Pepsi...just a few of my favorite things. It will all be worth it though because I'll be on my way to a happier, healthier, and hopefully skinnier me.

Tomorrow we're going to church for the first time in several weeks and I'm really looking forward to it. Hopefully, Charlie will make it through the service with no major outbursts. He's such a good baby, though, it's probably not going to be a problem! :) When I was younger, we never missed church. It was just understood that on Sunday mornings, we attended church...no discussion. As I got older, though, especially while I was in college, I just got out of the habit. And it's been pretty hard to get back into the habit...How does that happen? How do you just let good habits go by the wayside, while the bad habits creep back in so easily and just stay there forever!? It takes effort to keep good habits...I'm ready to put in the effort. I want Charlie to understand that every Sunday morning, we'll be going to church, unless we're sick or out of town. That is one way I can be a good example for him, like Nana and Papa were for me.

Ok, so tomorrow I'll take all my measurements and weight and record them (some place other than here, so don't even ask) and take my "before" pictures that I will upload on here. So get ready!

This is me and my sweet friend Meredith whose wedding date is set as one of my weightloss check-ins. I can't wait until she's the one getting married!

It's harder to set goals than I realized

I was so grumpy today. Well, not all day...I was so grumpy this morning. Having a newborn is tough. Having a newborn that still sometimes gets up 4-6 times per night is really tough. So today I complained about it. I mean, I get it. Babies can't sleep long periods of time. But last night, Charlie went to bed at 8, was up at 11 (fine), 12:30 (not a good one), 2:30 (fine), 4:30 (fine), 5:30 (not so fine), and at 6 we just got up. When he's up every 1.5-2 hours, I'm usually getting less than an hour in between. It SUCKS, especially because right now I'm not even sleeping well when I should be sleeping. But I assure you, I totally get it.  I know it gets better and (supposedly) I know I'll look back on this time and miss it... But it still just SUCKS. However, even with the lack of sleep that both of us got last night, Charlie spent the majority of the day in a great mood and took a couple good naps. We even took a good long walk with our neighbor friends Niki and Julia, which put me in a much better mood! :)

I wanted to outline my goals, my diet plan, and my workout routine in this post...but that's totally not going to happen.  It is hard enough for me to figure out what my actual goals are and outline them. I have all these jumbled goals in my head and I guess now it's time for me to sort them out. AHH! I just don't know where to start. I want to eat right. I want to work out. I want to feel better. I want to have fun. I want to be happy. I want to be a good wife and mother. I want to be healthier. I'm greedy.  I want so MUCH!

Ok, I'm going to start with life changes first, but maybe just a couple because I want to make sure I am focused on changing my life and making myself, my husband, and my son happy and healthy people.  I don't want the focus to be on how much weight I am losing, even though I am looking forward to that as an added benefit of being a happier and healthier family. I'm going to view this journey as ever-changing, so with the changing of our lives, hopefully my goals for my family and life will also be ever-changing.

Here goes...

Lifestyle goals:

Goal 1: Be a part of a church family
Short term:  I want to start going to church regularly again. I miss my church family and love them.
Long term: I would like to begin looking for a church where there are other young people who are in the same place in life as Chris and me, which is kind of not happening at our church right now  .

Goal 2: Be active and happy as a family
Short term: I want to plan one fun family activity per month.
Long term: I would love for us to spend at least one day/week being active as a family.

Goal 3: Be confident in my abilities as a mother and wife...
I'm not sure yet on this one....

Goal 4: Spend quality time with my husband and with myself (alone)
Short term: Plan small dates out with the hubs (baby-free) every other week or every week.
Short term: Spend one evening out alone per week
Long term: Maybe take a weekend trip away? That's probably really long term.

That was easy enough. NEXT!

Workout goals:

Goal 1: TRY to workout, in some way, every day...seven days/week.
Short term: Walk and/or go to the gym. Easy enough. Just do it. I need to do it and so do my dogs.
Long term: Walk, gym, and/or P90x it. Yikes.
Short term: Start running at some point soon...eww...
Long term: Run a 5k in October. Double EWW.

Goal 2: Find a workout friend who is at a similar physical level.

I would love to hear about some other workout goals from other people too.

So how about some weight loss goals?

Goal 1: Lose 75-90 pounds. Oh man, that's a lot, but I'm being honest...even if it is mortifying. It's going to take a long time to lose that much and lost it in a healthy way, so I'm going to break it up into smaller chunks with a date.
Short term: It's July now, so I'd like to lose about 10 pounds before I go back to school. I have a few weeks.
Short term: By Thanksgiving, I would like to have lost 20 pounds total...totally possible.
Short term: By New Years day, I would like to have lost 25 pounds total, hopefully making up for the inevitable mess I'll make of myself at Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Short term: By April 7, which is the wedding day of one of my best friends on the Earth, I would like to have lost 40 pounds. This one might be pushing it.
Short term: By June 15, about the time we'll be going on vacation next year, I would like to have lost 50 pounds total.

I'm going to leave this one here, in case I have to readjust the numbers.

Lastly, Eating goals:

1. Eat healthy foods.
2. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables and meat.
3. Don't become obsessed and super restrictive.
4. Give in to temptation some times.
Those seem silly and really obvious, don't they? Hmm...maybe I'll work on them.

While I was pregnant with Charlie, I had gestational diabetes. I was able to almost completely control the diabetes through my diet after taking a class at the Mission Hospital Diabetes Clinic. I learned how many carbohydrates I could eat at each meal and each snack, how often I needed to eat to keep my blood sugar regulated, and what foods to pair with carbohydrates to get the most out of what I was eating.  I HATED it...mostly because my only pregnancy cravings were chocolate and fruit, both of which have lots of carbohydrates. I had fruit often, usually every day, but not much and I had to count it toward my totals. I had chocolate VERY rarely. I was very dedicated to keeping myself and my sweet baby healthy through my diet. Unfortunately, all of that went out the door after he was born and I stuffed my face full of carbohydrates in the form of chocolate, candy (Swedish fish...mmmm), bread, pasta, and soda. YIKES. The good things about the diabetic diet though, is that it is super sensable, it is not super restrictive, and it totally focuses on healthy eating habits that pretty much everyone everywhere should be doing anyways. That's why I'll be going back to this healthy eating plan.

Here were my carbohydrate totals.

Breakfast: 15-20 carbs (no fruit) paired with protein
Snack: 15-30 carbs (no fruit) paired with protein
Lunch: 45-60 carbs paired with protein
Snack: 15-30 carbs paired with protein
Snack: 15-30 carbs paired with protein
Dinner: 45-60 carbs paired with protein
Snack: 20-30 carbs paired with protein

Veggies count as very little, almost nothing, so I didn't usually count them towards my carbohydrate totals.

So a day of meals and snacks for me would look like this:
Breakfast: 1 piece whole grain toast (18 carbs), OR a high fiber, low cal, whole grain English muffin, 2 eggs, cheese
I didn't have a morning snack b/c we eat lunch so early in kindergarten.
Lunch: Peanut butter sandwich and 1/2 banana (15 carbs) and carrots
Snack: 1 medium apple (15 carbs) with peanut butter
Snack: 8 crackers (20 carbs) 4 slices cheddar cheese
Dinner: Chicken, 1/2 potato (30 carbs), broccoli with cheese, and 1/2 cup strawberries (15 carbs)
Snack: greek yogurt and spoonful of peanut butter

Now, I'll just have to find a way to fit ice cream in there...and we'll be golden.

Confessions, Fears, and Making a Game Plan

Confessions:
I've lost weight before. Many times.  Many, many times. I've never been particularly small. And...I'm OK with that. The smallest I've ever been was a small size 12, almost a size 10, which I've only reached twice in my life - once my sophomore year of high school after a particularly difficult bout with strep throat and the other time after I spent the Spring semester of my sophomore year of college walking (and sometimes running) through the streets of London.  I can remember coming back from London and feeling so good. So happy. So confident. I'd like to be there again. Confession: right now, I'm a solid size 18...YIKES! That's much too big for my liking. I'm not very happy. Nor am I very confident, I just hide my lack of confidence well. ; )  I'm not going into this expecting to transform to a size 2 in a couple months with a perfect life. I'm a logical, realistic person. I'm not built to be tiny. I'm just not. I also know that it takes more than just a couple months to really lose weight safely and effectively. I've been on this roller coaster before. And I know that changes in my lifestyle will help me get to the life I want to live with my family and these changes will not happen overnight. However, I am hoping to maybe transform to that small size 12 again, or maybe even a 10 or...an 8? I don't know if I'll ever be able to get that small, but maybe.

I usually diet with the help of some sort of crazy restrictive diet, usually followed by obsession with foods and working out, resentment of the restrictions of yummy stuff and the lack of being a couch potato, and finished off with getting my fill of something ridiculously bad for me, topped with a double size helping of guilt.  I'm hoping that this will be my final weight loss journey because after this, I hope to have the body and life I've been needing so that I can be the happy me again. AND I hope to stay that way...happy...healthy...and maybe even thin?


Fears:
I have so many of them right now that it seems silly to even post them.  I'll just start with telling you straight out that I'm not quite over the "new mommy crazies" so many of my fears will have something to do with being a mother and/or my precious little boy (who, by the way, is so stinkin cute - just wait til I get a good idea of what I'm doing on here and can post pictures!). So, for example, I'm afraid Charlie is going to roll out of his bathtub in the sink. And sometimes I'm afraid he's going to smother when I wear him in the wrap. (I'm being honest here, right?) I'm afraid that I'm a disappointment to my husband as a wife and mother.  I'm worried that I'll never be able to manage a job, a household, and being a wife and parent. I'm afraid I wont follow through with this blog, give up, and live in my currently fat body...unhappily.


Now, for making my game plan:
I feel like it is important for me to have a game plan. I don't know that I've ever REALLY had a specific plan for how I was going to change my lifestyle, other than just lose weight with a super restrictive diet and tons of exercise. I want my overall goals to be very clear to me, as well as the steps needed to achieve those goals. So that's why I'm putting so much effort and thought into the planning and goals part of this thing. I don't want to fail this time. Or worse, succeed and then forget about it and fall back into my old habits and end up right where I am now.

So here's what I need to do.
1. Keep track of my daily activities and food journal
2. Set small goals for weight loss, activities, and trying new healthy recipes - include dates
3. Plan fun and active family days/activities
4. Get into a work out routine
5. Make healthy food choices, develop a meal plan that I can live with, and allow a cheat meal sometimes (less than 1/wk)
6. Get a starting weight and starting measurements
7. Be honest with myself and on my blog
8. Find a partner in crime

• Keeping track of my daily activities and food shouldn't be too hard... that's what this blog is for!
• Setting small goals for my weight loss, activities, and trying new healthy recipes might be a little more difficult because I have to remember to be realistic and keep in mind that I am not trying to change overnight. And I am not expecting dramatic weight loss or a lifestyle change overnight. This will take work.
• I am excited about the idea of planning some fun and active days for our family. Chris and I love spending time with Charlie as a family. I'm excited to start making some memories...even if he's not old enough to remember them yet! :)
• It's the food choices that can get to me. I can become obsessed with the foods I eat so much that it consumes me, and then I end up overeating because I resent feeling like I HAVE to eat a certain way or because I've been too restrictive. I just end up eating way too much and then feeling miserably overstuffed and guilty afterwards. However, think I know where I want to go with my food plan.
• I'll not be revealing my starting weight or measurements, just so you know. I will, however, record any changes.
• Be honest...no excuses. If I want some ice cream, I'll probably have some ice cream. I LOVE ICE CREAM. But I need to fess up to it too.
• I feel like I will do better with a partner because I don't want to feel like I'm in this alone. I want someone to keep me accountable for my workouts, food choices, and overall healthy lifestyle. I know that Chris has several of the same goals as me, but his schedule is so sporadic and he sometimes doesn't get home until late at night if he has class. I would like for my partner to be local, so we can work out together if possible. But I would also be very happy with just a friend to check in with regularly to remind me of my goals.

I'll end by telling you that my next couple of posts will outline my eating plan, my long term and short term goals, and my workout routine, and will also start listing some fun family activities. Any ideas for fun stuff to do with a newborn? I need some.

Ok, I figured out how to post some pictures, so I'll do that here...shamelessly. :)

This is Chris and me on our honeymoon, 2007. I was pretty happy here. :)

And at the beach last summer.

And exhausted with our brand new baby boy, Charlie.

Admit it. He's pretty much the cutest baby ever.

Until next time.  Let's do this thing. 

Let's do this thing...

Hello.  My name is Jennifer Greene, but almost everyone I know still calls me JenLamb...like all one word. JenLamb.  :) I'm 28 years old, soon to be 29 (way too close to the big 3-0). I am a teacher, not just any teacher, a KINDERGARTEN teacher. Right now, I am not working because we are on summer break. However, I've actually not been working since well into April because I was out on maternity leave. This means that I'll have been out of the working routine for 4 months, much longer than I've ever been able to stand before! I'm a worker by nature. I love routine and I love having a job. I have a wonderful husband who works very hard, drives very far, and is making himself better for our family all the time. We've recently become parents. It is the most exhausting, nerve-wracking, captivating, and wonderful thing we have ever done. We are learning every day to trust our instincts as parents and talk constantly about the parents we want to be for our son, Charlie. (By the way, he's pretty much the cutest thing ever!) So I guess this leads me to exactly why I've started this blog.  To be the best parent I can be, to be the parent that my sweet baby deserves, I have to be happy...happy with myself as a person, happy with myself as a wife, happy with myself as a mother, happy with my choices for myself and my family. Right now, I'm not very happy. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and my family and my job and my baby boy. But I'm in a rut...I'm overweight again (for the bazillionth time in my life), and it just makes me a generally less happy person. It makes me overly sensitive and resentful.  It makes me grumpy and less motivated to do anything about it. It's a vicious cycle - the more overweight I become, the less happy I am, the less I want to do anything about it b/c I don't feel like it, and then the more overweight I become...over and over and over again.

I want to be a good parent. It's all I can think about lately.  I guess that's understandable since I've only recently become a parent, right? To me, a good parent is a good role-model, patient, active, positive, and healthy... I want to show Charlie how to make healthy food choices. I want to show him what it means to live an active lifestyle, hike, walk, swim, play sports, etc. I want him to live a healthy life because of me, because of what I've shown him, because of what I've taught him. I want to be the example of the kind of person I hope he becomes. I just want to be a good mother.

I'm hoping that by blogging about my food choices, my workouts/daily activities, and my plans to be a better mother for my Charlie boy, that I'll be honest and be held accountable and be encouraged to continue. I've never done this blog thing before, so forgive me for rambling.


Ok, so here are my overall goals.

1. Be a good mother.
2. Be a happier person.
3. Be a good wife.
4. Be an enthusiastic teacher for my sweet students.

To achieve these goals I've got to make some changes in my life.
I need to be more active.
I need to make healthier food choices.
I need to have a routine.

So, in the next few days I'll be working on a plan, not just a plan to lose weight (although that's a major objective) but a plan to live a healthier active lifestyle as a mother.

Let's do this thing.